This Is My Story, Part 1: Fundamentalism & Evangelicalism
This is my story (part one of…many). It is a story about growing up in an evangelical, fundamentalist Christian church, school, and home, and it is the story of how I left.
This is my story (part one of…many). It is a story about growing up in an evangelical, fundamentalist Christian church, school, and home, and it is the story of how I left. It is a story about trauma and abuse, but it is also a story about healing, hope, and finding freedom. This is my story, and no one else’s. Though it is gradually coming to light that many people experienced abuse at the hands of fundamentalist religions, many people also find belonging, meaning, and happiness within these same religions. I am not one of those people, but I respect the fact that many people, including many of my close friends and family, remain in fundamentalist churches and are apparently content. This story is not meant to discredit any of the meaning and benefit that people receive from their faith. But it is a story that is meant to convey my own experience of trauma at the hands of fundamentalism in the hope that others will see their own stories reflected and will have the courage to find whatever freedom and healing means for them. Reading and hearing other people’s stories about their experiences in evangelical churches made me feel seen, like I was not alone in my experience. At the very least, I hope my own story will help someone else feel seen and know that they are not alone.
What is Fundamentalism and Evangelicalism?
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines fundamentalism as “a movement in 20th century Protestantism emphasizing the literally interpreted Bible as fundamental to Christian life and teaching.” According to the article by Matthew Avery Sutton, “The Day Christian Fundamentalism was Born” in the New York Times, fundamentalism was born in the early 1900’s out of a reaction to the modernism in secular society. The end of World War I in 1919 led to an increase in automobile production, the introduction of jazz music was leading to dancing, and both women and African-Americans were seeking their right to vote. Sutton writes,
“A group of Christian leaders, anxious about the chaos that seemed to be enveloping the globe, recalibrated the faith and gave it a new urgency…In its own way, this new movement — fundamentalism — was every bit as important as the modernity it seemingly resisted.”
Beginning in May 1919, a group of theologians and evangelists gathered in Philadelphia and formed the World’s Christian Fundamentals Association. Sutton writes,
“The men and women assembled there believed that God had chosen them to call Christians back to the ‘fundamentals’ of the faith, and to prepare the world for one final revival before Jesus returned to earth.”
Some of the beliefs that were trumpeted in the early days of fundamentalism included the belief that the Antichrist would run the world prior to Jesus’ second coming, true believers would be “raptured,” and those left behind would suffer tribulations. The reshaping of Palestine and the return of Jews to the Holy Land was believed to precede the second coming of Christ, and in the end times oppressive governments would limit Christians’ rights and religious freedoms. The growing acceptance of Darwinism within society led to fundamentalists clamping down on the belief in a literal creation story, denying the existence of evolution. The attempt by women to gain the right to vote also threatened fundamentalists beliefs in gender roles, and the declining morals of society were further proof that the end times were near.
Leaders of this early fundamentalist movement included William Bell Riley and Billy Graham. In the years after WWII, Billy Graham and his followers began calling themselves “evangelicals.”
Evangelicalism was born out of the fundamental movement, and is still going strong today. Evangelicalism is an inter-denominational movement that doesn’t have a single authority. According to Jonathan Merritt’s article, “Defining Evangelicalism” in The Atlantic, “evangelical” does not have a single definition. Merritt writes,
“the term evangelical derives from the Greek word euangelion meaning ‘gospel’ or ‘good news.’ Technically speaking, evangelical refers to a person, church, or organization that is committed to the Christian gospel message that Jesus Christ is the savior of humanity…Depending on how you define the term, evangelicals comprise between 7 percent and 47 percent of the American population.”
Merritt reports that the most widely accepted definition of evangelicalism is the one developed by David Bebbington in 1989, and identifies 4 main qualities that define Christian evangelicals: “Biblicalism: a high regard for the Bible; Crucicentrism: a focus on Jesus’s crucifixion and its saving effects; Conversionism: a belief that humans need to be converted; and Activism: the belief that faith should influence one’s public life.”
Throughout my story (in it’s many parts), I will utilize fundamentalism and evangelicalism as interchangeable terms, and I will discuss different tenets of this facet of Christianity that influenced my religious upbringing, including “Purity Culture,” a movement within evangelical Christianity that peaked in the 1990’s as a response to the “free love” movement in the 1960’s and 70’s, promoting a biblical view of purity by discouraging dating and promoting virginity before marriage.
This is my experience of growing up first in an “evangelical free” church and then a “non-denominal” church in the 1990’s and 2000’s that was heavily influenced by evangelicalism and fundamentalism. I know that my experience is similar to many others who grew up within these settings because I have connected with many people who are “deconstructing” their faith; however, I again recognize that this is not everyone’s experience and I by no means am intending to discredit anyone who found benefits within this framework.
Indoctrination
Throughout my story, I use the word “indoctrination” to describe aspects of my experience growing up within the church. A quick Google search brings up the following definition of indoctrination: “the process of teaching a person or group to accept a set of beliefs uncritically.” In the article, “Childhood Religious Indoctrination” on the Journey Free website run by Dr. Marlene Winell, indoctrination within the setting of fundamentalist Christian families can include homeschooling children or sending them to Christian schools in order to control what children are learning, including access to other religions (which is not allowed within fundamentalism). The author goes on to write,
“the indoctrination of a child with immature cognitive abilities in the helpless context of a family is an abuse of power. The child has no perspective and no choice but to cooperate in order to survive. The messages are received and embedded in the brain while certain areas of brain development are repressed through lack of stimulation, chief of which is critical thinking. This, combined with accepting the teaching that one is unable to trust one’s own thoughts, and the abject fear of terrifying consequences, completes the trap. Even as the child gets older, there are social forces in place to enforce these dynamics and the circular reasoning can continue on, making the child feel highly disturbed but not have any idea why.”
The adult who experienced indoctrination during the vulnerable childhood years may have an especially difficult time overcoming the effects of the indoctrination. The author of Journey Free writes, “As an adult, for example, the fear of hell can pop up and cause panic attacks even if a person rationally rejects the doctrine.” Gradually, people can learn to trust themselves again, which is the key to recovering from indoctrination and reclaiming your own life.
In order to truly understand the experience of growing up within fundamentalism and evangelicalism, it is important to understand what trauma is. On my blog, I have written a series of articles defining and discussing trauma, which are linked below. Because this space is intended to be more personal and less educational, I will not delve into the definition of trauma here, but please feel free to read the articles linked below to learn more about trauma, the nervous system, embodiment, and healing.
Understanding Trauma, Part 1: The Mind-Body Connection
Understanding Trauma, Part 2: Stress and Trauma
Understanding Trauma, Part 3: The Effects of Trauma
Understanding Trauma, Part 4: Healing